Hello Friday

Lately I've been thinking about fear and it's tendency to control my decision making. I feel like it's easy to see fear in other people. To laugh at them for being chickensh*t about something dumb. But when I'm afraid of something. Well... that must make sense... only it's just as irrational and stupid.

Sometimes I think I'm just afraid of being afraid. The frightening thing itself isn't nearly as bad as the anxiety I get leading up to it. And some things I KNOW aren't scary at all. It wont hurt me. But it doesn't change how I feel about it. Fear is a useful evolutionary adaptation, but sometimes I beg to differ.

One thing I have always known is that I don't want to have kids until I'm not afraid. If I can't be brave, how can I expect to teach my kids any more than me? I want them to explore the world with a sense of adventure. To not be (too) afraid to take risks, or be hurt. I don't want to impart the things I'm scared of on them. Like my parents did with me. Maybe I should make a list of everything I'm afraid of and systematically do them. Just to reduce the fear.

This reminds me that I used to be really scared of the movie The Ring. I was so scared I couldn't sleep. And so scared I forced myself to watch it 6 times. Each time I watched it I got less scared. I realized it was just a movie. Maybe incorporating scary things into my life isn't such a bad idea. Get out of my comfort zone a little :)