I'm so sad that one of my best friends is moving back to Afghanistan :( Seriously the most generous, kind, thoughtful person I know who ignores all my flaws and thinks I'm awesome every day, and somehow always 'gets' me. It's so rare to find people like that that I just want to latch on to them and never let go. I'm cheering myself up by telling myself that we will always be friends despite the distance :)

There is a quote by the Dalai Lama that says: "It is not enough to be compassionate. You must act. There are two aspects to action. One is to overcome the distortions and afflictions of your own mind, that is, in terms of calming and eventually dispelling anger. This is action out of compassion. The other is more social, more public. When something needs to be done in the world to rectify the wrongs, if one is really concerned with benefitting others, one needs to be engaged, involved." I would say that not only is that true, it also applies to other aspects of life as well. It's not enough to be _____ on the inside, it is also essential to act ______ on the outside, thereby letting people know through your behavior what you stand for and value, and also attracting like minded people toward you. It's something that I constantly struggle with and I hope that one day I wont feel so much that there are parts of me that no one else can see, that I can feel whole in my identity. I think this is easier for some than others. Maybe fear or conditioning is what holds people back. Another thing I must try harder to do is make less assumptions. There is that saying when you assume you make an ass out of u and me. Well, in general assumptions tend to lead to misunderstandings, and although I do not like misunderstandings I have been lazy in the past to try and double check or ask people for specifics when I should. I want to seem like I understood the first time, but instead I make assumptions about what they think or want when these are neither fair to me or them. I will work harder to be better about that in the future so I don't get myself into uncomfortable situations. I am currently listening to the audiobook "Living With Intention" by Lynne McTaggart which talks about how your intentions affect the world. I highly would recommend it.

新年快乐

Da dun dun/the sun done/yep the sun done/came up but we still up in a dungeon/Da dun dun/yep in London/Competition? Why yes, I would love some <3

新年快乐 everybody :) Shake off the stress and negative karma left over from the previous year, and sink into the fresh air of the new one. Here's to meeting awesome new friends, crazy exams and even crazier adventures, an apocalypse in December, new president in November, two solar/lunar eclipses. This year is gonna be off the hook. Year of the dragon, holla!

Seriously though, peace love health and abundance to you in the new year.

extrovert

Somehow every personality questionaire I've ever filled out has always told me i'm an introvert. The more I examine myself, the more I realize I love attention and I love being around people. Maybe this is because I grew up being an only child in a family where my parents were too busy to play with me, and I had no relatives or cousins within 1000 miles to talk to or play with. I read a lot of books, cause reading is awesome and I created a lot of fantasy worlds about the kind of life I wish I had and stuff. Normal kid stuff I think. But back to my point, I think personality tests are inherently flawed. I don't see how questions like "would you rather be at a loud party or at home reading", or "would your rather have a few close friends or a lot of acquaintances" accurately measure your introversion/extroversion. I start to enjoy talking to people only when I get comfortable with them, so the better I know them the more I have to say, and the more eager I am to share things with them. So I guess I'm introverted to strangers, and extroverted with close friends.

I've also noticed other things about myself. Like I think I'm pretty socially polite; I tend to censor a lot of what I think before I say it. But I really appreciate people who are just blunt and sometimes even crass. I like people with big vibrant personalities, or on the other end of the spectrum people who are emo, goofy, edgy or quirky. People who try too hard to be cute, or are too perfect tend to annoy me. But if you just are cute that's ok. I tend to like raw, uncensored people, because there's something endearing and vulnerable about them, even though that's not the way i am. I like to talk a lot too, or I've been told, but I hate smalltalk. And I think I'm really bad at it. I like talking about humorous events in everyday life, philosophical discussion, discussions about books or ideas, creative thoughts, and to a lesser extent political discussions.

timed out

it's late. i'm studying. i'm so tired, but i force myself to stay up because the more i get done now, the less anxiety i'll have later. i'm losing time. and if i don't make it this time around then i'll have lost even more time. a year. a year when i could have been working. or a year to do whatever the hell i wanted, but instead i did this.

these are my thoughts sometimes when i can't sleep. i just read outliers. everyone has been saying the biggest take home message from that book is 10,000 hours- that's how long it takes to be good at something. really good. malcolm gladwell's theory has inspired someone to quit his job and play professional golf, just to see if he can win a major championship by following the 10,000 hour rule. i'm jealous, because i wish i had 10,000 hours, or even 1000 hours to spend on doing something i really liked.

what i liked about the movie in time was that it was accurate in that time is the current currency of our world. time translates to developing skill, which translates to money, in a direct correlation. and people with not enough time rarely get to develop their skills. of course, that's not always true, there are those people who work their day jobs and then come home and work on their dreams. but maybe they don't have families or other obligations.

and how about how little time people have for each other? when was the last time you had a conversation where you just talked and talked and neither one of you said you had to go soon. isn't that the greatest gift of all then? moreso than money. just being willing to spend time on someone? i guess i'm my own biggest critic, because every year for the last few years i've told myself i would be a mentor for big brother big sister, and every year, inevitably it comes down to not having enough time. not having enough time for what's important in life. but one day i will.

the distance between us

I stumbled upon Paulo Coelho's blog recently and continue to read it from time to time. I came across this little anecdote today:

A master asked his disciples:
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

the disciples thought for a while, and one of them said
‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’
‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.

Finally he explained:
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the master asked:
‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

And he concluded:
‘When they love each other even more, what happens?
‘They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.

‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

I thought it was funny since I often repeat myself two or three times to certain people and they still don't get what I'm sayin', and Americans also have a reputation for being one of the loudest talkers on the planet.