timed out

it's late. i'm studying. i'm so tired, but i force myself to stay up because the more i get done now, the less anxiety i'll have later. i'm losing time. and if i don't make it this time around then i'll have lost even more time. a year. a year when i could have been working. or a year to do whatever the hell i wanted, but instead i did this.

these are my thoughts sometimes when i can't sleep. i just read outliers. everyone has been saying the biggest take home message from that book is 10,000 hours- that's how long it takes to be good at something. really good. malcolm gladwell's theory has inspired someone to quit his job and play professional golf, just to see if he can win a major championship by following the 10,000 hour rule. i'm jealous, because i wish i had 10,000 hours, or even 1000 hours to spend on doing something i really liked.

what i liked about the movie in time was that it was accurate in that time is the current currency of our world. time translates to developing skill, which translates to money, in a direct correlation. and people with not enough time rarely get to develop their skills. of course, that's not always true, there are those people who work their day jobs and then come home and work on their dreams. but maybe they don't have families or other obligations.

and how about how little time people have for each other? when was the last time you had a conversation where you just talked and talked and neither one of you said you had to go soon. isn't that the greatest gift of all then? moreso than money. just being willing to spend time on someone? i guess i'm my own biggest critic, because every year for the last few years i've told myself i would be a mentor for big brother big sister, and every year, inevitably it comes down to not having enough time. not having enough time for what's important in life. but one day i will.