I know it's not anything, but sometimes it feel like I"m not making progress fast enough. There's a lot to be thankful for, and a lot I should just take in and try to enjoy without beating myself up. But it's easy to feel disappointed in yourself. And it's easy to feel like all the effort you've put in has been for naught. I need to keep reminding myself to not expect to accomplish too much at once. That progress, no matter how minute is progress.

I like this quote. Incidentally, I went to Emerson Junior High, named after the author.

"What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us."

-RWE

Birthday Resolutions

What's better? Making yearly resolutions on New Years (and here I mean Jan. 1st, although Chinese NY would work just as well), or on your birthday? I've always made my yearly resolutions on NYE. But I was so inspired this week by Elsie's 27 things before I'm 28, that I thought about changing to my birthday. That way, as you face the depression of turning one year older, at least you will have something to show for it! Hey look at this list of things I've done this year...

While doing mundane tasks today, I semi-daydreamed about what would be on my list:

- Reading Plato (I feel so guilty I know so little about philosophy)
- Paintballing (Can't believe I haven't done this yet!)
- Taking an acrylics or oil painting class
- Getting my motorcycle license (possibly)

What would be on your list?

Why I believe in God

Sometimes people ask me why I am Christian. This is really a complicated question. Aside from personal reasons, I think there are so many reason TO believe. One main reason for me is the issue of fairness. Let me explain. When you play a sport, there's rules and a referee to ensure that things are more or less fair right? You might have to submit to random drug tests or other types of regulations to ensure that no one is cheating. In school, teachers and administrators try to make things seem fair. Everyone takes the same SATs, or writes the same essays.

But what about life? Who ensures that things are 'fair' in this large game called life? Who makes sure that you are born into a family that loves and takes care of you? Who makes sure that when you grow up, and start to make friends that they don't abandon or betray you? Or when you start dating that you are treated fairly?

I used to volunteer at a Children's home and the stories I would hear would make me so angry. Most children there had some kind of emotional disorder. One or sometimes both of their parents were in jail. In a few cases, they were adopted, and then unadopted by their "parents". They were basically either children who were purposefully abandoned, or who due to their parents being unable to take care of themselves, taken away by the state. These children are labeled as having "anger management issues", or "personality disorders", but really, they are just kids who were messed up because of their surroundings. They grew up too fast. And the scars they carry with them, will affect their relationships for a long time to come.

When people ask me why I believe in God, this is what I think of. That I do not believe there is true justice in the world. And this both hurts me and bothers me. I can't make things right for everyone. I know I can't. No matter how hard I try, it could never be enough. I can try to make things fair for everyone I meet, but how many people would I meet in my lifetime? I think sometimes God can bridge the gap though. Between what we are and what we want to be. For me, for kids without families, for everyone. Even when you have nothing, you may have God, and that can be enough to make things ok... to get you through. In the same way, how much do we deserve the truly great things that happen to us? Not any moreso I think, than the truly crappy stuff.

My favorite praise song is the Matt Redman song "Blessed Be Your Name". Every time I listen to it, I feel inspired.

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

I'm reminded that when something good happens to me, it's generally not because I deserve it. And when something bad happens to me, I shouldn't stop praising God. In life, things are often unfair. And both good and bad things will happen to me regardless of what I do. But moreso than a person who thinks that they've earned everything good by themselves, or a person that only praises when they are happy, I can choose to praise in both the joy and the pain.

Change

Sometimes the truth has an expiration date. Like a bottle of milk, it looses its freshness over time. And becomes irrelevant. So that when you finally have the courage to say it, it doesn't mean as much as it did at the moment you wanted to say it, but didn't. I'm slowly learning to speak the truth in the moment. My truth. Instead of holding these bits and pieces in my heart, and keeping it there until I reach my bursting point and they come tumbling out from inside me. A big ball of repressed, nervous, overwhelming, chaotic stream of thoughts, feelings, and words unsaid.

Oh my gosh!

THIS is amazing!!! Have you ever wondered how to combine the look of hand-drawn and the texture of canvas? Who knew it could be so easy?!

Get Crafty With The Girls With Glasses from The Girls With Glasses on Vimeo.

Video courtesy of http://www.promisetangemanblog.com/

I miss drawing

These gorgeous watercolors from Pop Pop Portraits makes me remember why I loved drawing in the first place!

I have been dying to start sketching black and white portraits. I have in my possession a Sketching kit with CD-Rom, sketchbook, and pencils that I bought in a set from Borders when they were majorly on sale. I watched the CD over the summer, and it got me a little excited about drawing again. But these past weeks I've been up to my ears in midterms and fellowship applications. Maybe winter break. Anybody wanna draw with me?

New Taylor Swift And It's Good!

Ok. Anybody who knows me knows that I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift. Like a freakin' pre-pubescent 12 year old girl. Like play her songs in my head 10000 times a a day. Fits every mood kind of obsessed.

So her album Speak Now doesn't officially drop until Oct. 25. There have been a few singles that I haven't been all that hot on. But Perez leaked a track online today, called "Dear John" written about John Mayer. It's a 7 minute in your face power-pop ballad. And it's amazing! Go listen to it.


Dare You to Move [Switchfoot]
Your Love is a Song [Switchfoot]

Ain't nothin' but a post it note

Today, as I found myself running to replenish my store of post-it notes only one day after I ran out, I paused to think about how much of my life is spent on post-it notes. How many days that literally begin and end on a post-it. Days when I have too many things to do, and not enough brain capacity to keep it all in. Days when I'm irritated and tired, but writing down everything I want to accomplish on a piece of paper, somehow magically makes the job easier.

And not just for grocery lists or school related work. But for bigger life goals too. I've grown accustomed to using post-it's for every area of my life. From daily to-do's to long term monthly or yearly goals. Is this anal?

The best part of the post it writing is the clarity it gives me. To look at something difficult and write it out in a series of linear steps. The other satisfying part is crossing off the things on the list one by one, until they're all complete at the end of day or whatever.

Whatever the reason why, without post-it's I would be a mess. I'm pretty sure this makes me neurotic in some way, but that's ok. I've learned to accept some things about myself :)

Magical things

Today was the first rain of the season. It seemed a bit magical to walk outdoors and see the pretty yellow leaves against the blackness of the wet pavement. And smell the cold dampness of the rain. This time of year always makes me feel so nostalgic + cozy.

3 Things I love Sunday: (because I can't think of 10)

1. The prettiest tree houses - can I live in one please?





2. Colorful paper boats

3. A lovely little leaf boat

Stubborn

I guess I'm not a people pleaser, and I'll never be. I care more about my own integrity than what other people think of me. I think I could have played the game and gotten what I wanted, but then I'd just hate myself for being one of those people. I'd rather be rejected for being honest. Then liked for pretending to be something else. Obviously it hurts. But I cant regret doing the right thing. If I only did the right thing, because it got me what I wanted. I would have no integrity. And that little bit of integrity is what preserves my sense of purpose, and being. Without that, I would be lost.

Lately I've been thinking about fear and it's tendency to control my decision making. I feel like it's easy to see fear in other people. To laugh at them for being chickensh*t about something dumb. But when I'm afraid of something. Well... that must make sense... only it's just as irrational and stupid.

Sometimes I think I'm just afraid of being afraid. The frightening thing itself isn't nearly as bad as the anxiety I get leading up to it. And some things I KNOW aren't scary at all. It wont hurt me. But it doesn't change how I feel about it. Fear is a useful evolutionary adaptation, but sometimes I beg to differ.

One thing I have always known is that I don't want to have kids until I'm not afraid. If I can't be brave, how can I expect to teach my kids any more than me? I want them to explore the world with a sense of adventure. To not be (too) afraid to take risks, or be hurt. I don't want to impart the things I'm scared of on them. Like my parents did with me. Maybe I should make a list of everything I'm afraid of and systematically do them. Just to reduce the fear.

This reminds me that I used to be really scared of the movie The Ring. I was so scared I couldn't sleep. And so scared I forced myself to watch it 6 times. Each time I watched it I got less scared. I realized it was just a movie. Maybe incorporating scary things into my life isn't such a bad idea. Get out of my comfort zone a little :)

One of the sad things about being an adult is having to act like a grown-up. I remember a passage that stuck with me from a novel I read, where the author makes an analogy between our psyche and russian nesting dolls or babushkas. Each doll represents who we were at a certain age, and as we grow older, we keep adding dolls, but the ones inside - like our six year old self, remain... buried somewhere, just waiting to be let out. ha!

This is what I feel like sometimes when I go to the kids toys section at Target. And especially when I look at the pretty fall leaves that are being shed from trees. I want to run, stomp, jump, shout, throw up a armful of leaves in the air and then jump on them when they land on the ground, and hear that loud crunching sound from all those leaves being decimated into little leaf pieces. I want to have a leaf fight and bury someone completely in leaves. I want to play happily in leaves for about an hour without worrying about how stupid it looks, or whether or not my friend thinks I'm an idiot, or if anyone I know might see me. I want to just have fun and not care that it's stupid.

The problem with being an adult is that all fun activities must be organized under a certain heading, like "hiking at Point Reyes", or "Drinks at G street Pub", or "BBQ on Sunday". As an adult, I can drink, or go dancing as forms of recreation, but inviting someone over to draw or play legos is looked upon as weird. The thing is, most of the things I am interested in doing don't involve alcohol, dancing, or the outdoors. Aside from shopping, which I do take an interest in, I feel a lot of grown-up activities to be boring. I miss the old days when I could say to my cousin "come over to my house and we'll play air guitar to our favorite songs and pretend we're rock stars". We'd take turns being lead singer, if I remember correctly. We always had a wicked good time, and it's times when I think back on memories like that that I feel like I need to listen to my inner babushka's, and make use of what's left of my "young adulthood" in creating more interesting memories.

^_____________^

I've been sick almost this entire month of September. Therefore, it was a huge relief this morning when I woke up and my throat didn't hurt like a *$%# for the first time this week. I was so happy, I couldn't get these two songs out of my head this morning: It's friday, and it's going to be a good day today :)

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Back in Davis wooohaaa

Mmmm back in this sleepy college town. I missed Davis sooooooo much while I was gone, but now that I am back here, I kind of miss China too. Well, not the humidity, or the traffic, or the dirtiness, but this does kind of feel like a country bumpkin hamlet compared to the mega cities there.

So not excited about school starting tomorrow, yipes! Between work and travel and miscellaneous duties, I think I spent all my summer running around checking things off of my summer to-do list (fyi- I accomplished 6 of 8 checklist items). Now that that's done, damn it, school has to start. I couldn't get one week of just nothing- Teen Mom and Jersey Shore reruns (yes I have horrible taste in tv, but don't hate), sleeping in, going to last of farmer's market, eating popcorn for breakfast and enjoying it?

I found this lovely gem of a poem a while back (doesn't it match my mood?):

I Resign
Unknown
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8-year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.
I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple.
When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.
All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.
I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again.
I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip,illness, and loss of loved ones.
I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So...here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and all my responsibility.
I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, 'cause,
"Tag! You're it."

The master blog list!!!

Sometimes people tell me that they found another blog through my blog. I wanted to make am list of all the blogs I read, and put it in one place so other people can discover new blogs too :) My blog reads span a lot of genres, which will probably will not all appeal to one person (and even I can't read all of them at once. I have to be in certain moods to read certain ones...*ahem*statistics*ahem), but here it is, by genre. The first blog in each list is the one I read the most often:

STATISTICS/R
Probability And Statistics Blog
Andrew Gelman's Blog
Blog About Stats
And R Blog From All R Blogs

DATING/HUMOR/SATIRE/FRIENDSHIP
Sex Lies & Dating In The City (Simone's blog is the ONLY one on this list I read EVERY day without fail)
Love In the Dumps
Guyspeak
All The Single Ladies ChicagoNow
Matty D

ECONOMICS/INVESTING/PERSONAL FINANCE
Money Under 30
20 Something Finance
Poorer Than You
Roubini's Ecomonitor
MSN Money Stocks Blogs
Lloyd's Investment Blog
Market Analysis

SEWING/PHOTOGRAPHY/VINTAGE/DESIGN
Bleubird Vintage
Promise Tangeman Her website is equally adorable
Elsie Flannigan
Thompson Family-life
Skunkboy Creatures
Lisa's Likes

GIRLY STUFF- SKINCARE/MAKEUP/FASHION
Bubblegarm
Jenna's Model Life
Joseibi
Lookbook.nu Not really a blog, but inspiration none the less. Lots of pretty clothes/people.
Vivawoman Singapore
Skin Deco

Enjoy!

I never think there's anything a guy can do that I can't

I was thinking tonight about determination. A while ago someone told me I was conceited for saying something on email. The details are not important, but it got me thinking about how much confidence we place in our abilities. Me: I tend to be competitive, and also very anal about things. If there was an easy way of doing something without understanding it, and a hard way that did, I would most likely pick the hard way. It's more important to me to understand the principle of something than to get it right.

Often times people ask the question would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? In a rhetorical way, because the right answer is to be happy. And my answer is, for the most part, I would rather be right. I don't think I could be happy if I knew I was wrong. I know I'm extremely stubborn in this sense, which gets me in trouble, but I refuse to compromise my principles.

Which brings me to the thought that often times I feel very androgynous. I'm very right-brained by nature, and for that very fact alone, sometimes I just feel like more of a guy. My interests are so wide spread, I would feel just as comfortable fixing a car as I would shopping. Whenever I'm with my guy friends, I'm always digging for information from them about things I'm interested in, but have no one to talk to about like: programming, stocks, video games, construction.....etc... And I get annoyed when they don't want to talk about it (because I suspect it's because I'm a girl, even when maybe they just don't feel like it) lol.

That having been said, I'm also waaaay girly in other ways. But I maintain, that there's nothing a guy can do that I can't or wouldn't be better at if I wanted to :D Whether this makes me a femi-nazi, or just someone whose really anal, who would never be good at being a housewife because I'm too curious about how everything works ... I just feel determined about it.

Where will the market go next?

Last week the 50 day moving average of the S&P 500, dipped below its 200 day moving average. In the financial world, this is known as the "looming death cross". Jim Cramer wrote a funny blog about it here. As you can tell from the graph of the last 10 years of the S&P 500, this has only happened 5 other times, and at least 2 of those times it directly preceded a recession (2001, and 2008).



So are we doomed to be double dipping into another recession? My thought is no. First, we are already in one, and the two times it preceded the recession were relatively good times for the market, which is not the case now. Secondly, I believe that the cross between the moving averages simply signifies change, of any kind, in the market, good or bad. And if I have some time I would like to look into its significance from a time analysis point of view. Both of the times when the "looming death cross" occurred but did not signify a recession, the 50 day MA was able to cross back above the 200 day MA within 1 or 2 months. So, my thought is that that second cross will occur in this case as well within the next few months. If however, it does not occur, we will all have greater things to worry about than markets!

Berry picking

Today I went berry picking at Impossible Acres, a cute little farm off of Covell blvd, on the edge of Davis. I was surprised by their selection of berries and other fruits. Not every variety was ripe yet, but I picked some Rasberries, Mungo berries (a variety of blackberry), Boysenberries, and Marionberries for my berry basket. Everything came out to a little over one pound. I was charged a grand total of only $3.25, about 3 or 4 times less than what I would have paid at the grocery store! And I had a lot of fun. So I think I'm going to continue picking my own berries while I can instead of buying them.

Actually, today started with getting up at 8:30 in the morning for another reason all together. The hunt for an elusive berry known as the black rasberry- a fruit that has been elevated, in my mind, to almost mythical proportions now. I had not heard of this berry until my friends told me about it recently. According to them, it has the taste and look of a blackberry, but more antioxidants than a blueberry. And is so rare that its picking season is only two weeks out of a year. There are only two places close by that grow this berry for picking, one is in Grass valley and the other is in the mountains by Placerville. We drove to one of the places today, only to find that it was not open yet. And spent the rest of the day shopping, eating korean food, and picking some more ordinary berries, which was just fine by me.

Phillip picking berries in his mom's hat.

Me and Phillip showing off our berries. He had more in the hat, but took them out to weigh them.

Boggle

One year over... I feel slightly nostalgic about my first year ending, even though I will still be in MSB almost every day. It wont be the same. Today I walked by the office where everyone would hang out during the year, and the door was closed (which almost never is the case). And it reminded me that I wouldn't see those people for a while. I'll miss the random conversations, statistics puns, problem solving, general dorkiness, and playing games on the computer... Speaking of which, I am officially obsessed with wordsplay or boggle in other words (I know boggle sounds like what my grandma would play if she was white, but trust me this is different). The one I play is on wordsplay.net, and the board is timed. You get 3 minutes to make as many words as you can on a 5 by 5 board, competing against anyone else that is playing at the time. When your time runs out, you get to see your ranking and all the words you made and missed, and what everyone else made. Try it! If you like scrabble or text twist, you will love this. Btw- how many words can you make from the board above? Partial answers below... (don't peek!)

MSB kind of reminds me of Hogwarts, only instead of learning magic and wizardry, you spend every day learning math, until eventually you're decent at it. You hang out with and see the same people every day, except during the summer. There are also the good and the evil professors... but there isn't nearly as much excitement or danger, or cool shifting staircases and secret rooms and stuff.

Take me in a time machine

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have grown up in the 60's or 70's? I often do... there's a part of me that's a strong free spirit, despite becoming more and more of a realist and less and less of an idealist as I have aged. I think in my heart I'll always be the six year old that wanted to be an artist when I grew up, or the college kid that scared her roomate because she thought that locking doors was unnecessary (if people are poor enough to steal, they must need it more than me).

Sometimes when I see pictures of people from that era, I wonder what kind of people they are now. Whether they became yuppies, or still hippies or if they were soccer moms and trophy wives and wore bumper stickers that said "my son is a honor student at ___ high school" bumper sticker. Sometimes, I wonder, if my parents had grown up in the US, whether they would have been hippies... Would they have hummed along to the Beatles, and Led Zepplin, and gone to school dances in bell bottoms and big, flowery skirts? Would they have gotten caught smoking pot in the boy's locker room, and thought they could change the world with free love, and peace?

I know this post is about to take a sharp philosophical tangent, but I feel like we, as a generation, on average, are less idealistic than our parents generation was about things. We care way too much about material possessions, money, and are way too obsessed with looking hot and not aging. If you look at the commercials on tv, every other ad is some anti-wrinkle/cellulite cream, lip plumper, butt minimizer/maximizer, diet pill/miracle weight loss inducer, and etc... All our models get photoshopped and airbrushed so that they are perfect when we see them in magazines. I totally admit, I get caught up it too, but I feel like it's a pressure that my parents or grandparents generation didn't have to deal with as much.

Also, I read a news story about how most college graduates nowadays are more interested in how much money they can make with their degree, than what they can learn (this was a survey style study, and I guess they had polled college graduates from other eras as well, and compared the answers to recent college grads)... regardless, I don't blame them. The economy is shit, and it's a totally valid concern to look out for your own future well-being. I just wish it wasn't a necessary choice- that we could offer something better to these young people who are still relatively naive- that they did not have to choose between something they want to do, and something they do to make a secure future for themselves.

Which blogs do you follow, and why?

I used to think that reading blogs of people you didn't know in real life was very strange... why not just read a book? But now I find myself expanding my ever growing list of blog reads. Recently, through links from blogs on beauty/fashion, I discovered a treasure trove of blogs devoted to financial wisdom for 20 something year olds, from investments to what banks to choose, to saving plans.... it makes me think a lot about what I could be doing to earn more money that I'm not doing. The advantage of reading a blog as opposed to reading a book, is that all that knowledge is distilled into short, easy-to-read chunks that are within the intervals of my attention span, and I enjoy the feeling of vicariously living through someone else. So I'm curious, what blogs do you read, and why?

Here are the blogs I read broken up by genre:
Personal - people I know
Humor (dating/advice)
Financial
Creative (photography/crafts/graphic design/thrifting)
Skincare/fashion
Celebrity gossip (because it's a habit)
Statistics

Without listing them, this list consists of some 30 or maybe 40 blogs, only less than 5 of which I check on a daily basis... the rest I will read in a clump usually if I miss a few days. Does this make me a blog reading addict?

Greatest finds from today's blog reads that I want to share with you guys:
Top 5 Android/Iphone applications to save you money - This article is so cool. Did you know, for instance, that the ShopSavvy application on android phones can scan actual barcodes and run price comparisons between stores?

$ Making money from your blog using Google Adsense - PennySense talks about her own experience using Adsense on her blog

10 places to make money online - A variety of websites that allow you to make some money, provided you have the time/skills.

Another thing that I realized while thinking about blogs is that my blog will never fall under a simple category like finance or photography, because there's never just one category of thing that I am thinking about. One week I might write about statistics, and another week I might blog about DIY craft project. I will keep this blog about a wide variety of things, hopefully a little something for everyone!

marriage is so scary...

So I meant to make a longer post last night, but I was too tired to write anymore.

I visited a good friend last night, who is very unhappily married to her husband of five or so years. Initially the talk was on me, about how come I haven't been dating, and etc... but then somehow it metamorphasized into something bigger and more catastrophic in nature. There was some arguing back and forth as my friend and her husband gave differing responses/advice for me with my friend saying things like "he's only saying that because you're here" or "that's not what he really thinks"... the guy kept on trying to steer the conversation back to me, lol, but my friend kept on putting the spotlight on him (admittedly he was a cheater and probably deserved all the vitriole/angst/resentment she was throwing his way), but it was just very..... uncomfortable.... Then my friend turns to me and says, "if you think being alone now is bad, it's a thousand times worse to be married and alone".

:(

I mean I know she's right. Of course it would be. Everything I see about their marriage makes me fear for everything that could go wrong in mine one day (if). It's totally-mind-blowingly-mortifyingly-God-awfully-craptastically scary. I'm glad it's not me in her position actually, as much as I hate to say it. It just reminds me that I need to be so careful about who I let into my life, and get involved with. Even though nowadays it's relatively easy to get a divorce, it's not like divorce undoes the pain that people go through, and when you have kids, nothing can really separate you from that person. So basically, you can't undo it, ever. It's this permanent bad decision that you've made that ties you to this person, and that's like totally and completely terrifying to me.

Yeah, of course people have good marriages... people who know how to compromise and play fairly, and have relatively good heads on their shoulders, and not too much excess baggage. Those are generally the people who have good marriages.

Collectively, are our morals and values less than they used to be though? I wonder that a lot. I can't help but feel that way after reading story after story of some celebrity cheating scandal, or experiencing/hearing about it from my friends . It just seems like expectations for men are less than they used to be.

fresh(ish) fruits and veggies

So today was my box day... The day I got my very first box from Eatwell farms! For those of you who don't know, eatwell farms is a local farm in Dixon that supplies boxes of produce fresh from their farm to the local community on a membership basis.

I was looking forward to getting my box all week. That is an understatement. It was the highlight of my week... (I guess it gives you a little idea of what my weeks are like), but anyhow, I have to say that I am a little underwhelmed with what I received in my box today. There was a fair variety of greens and some fruit, but the veggies were very dirt-y. I say dirt-y, because it's supposed to be a good thing that they were just picked out of the dirt yesterday or maybe even sometime today... I mean it IS a good thing, that means they are extra fresh, right? Except that they have A LOT of dirt on them. Like so much that I'm scared even if I wash them 5 times, that I will still be eating dirt. Is it really that scary to eat dirt? Probably not. But I'm just not used to looking at my vegetables like they just took a mudbath.

We will see what I end up making this week with my nubby carrots, Asian stir fry greens, and various other veggies.....

Squirrel me

This is a strange thought... but has anybody wondered how to train a squirrel? For a long time now, when I walk around campus, and see the menagerie of squirrels frolicking around, I think to myself about the possibility of taming one... namely so that I can pet it.

Squirrel tails are so fluffy and soft looking, I imagine it would feel really nice to touch it. lol. (And I realize I sound like a complete creep aka Lennie in of mice and men), btw the idea of a squirrel falling asleep using it's tail as either blanket or a mattress is just way to adorable! If you were a furry animal, and you had to sleep out in the cold with tail like that, wouldn't you?? That thing would be like a down comforter. (Ok, I realize that was neither here or there, but just thought I'd throw it out there).

Anyhow, I was thinking if I could find one on squirrel, and consistently feed it nuts or dried berries or something, and allow it to get closer and closer to me, until it becomes used to humans, then maybe after a few trials it would let me pet it? 's tail? lol. What do you guys think? I really want to try sometime during my years here at Davis. Somewhere I heard that they might carry rabies, but I think it's only a very small percentage (if any)....

Reason for repentence

Most of the time I live in this state of "do no evil" and I'm very careful about not hurting people's feelings. The last couple days though, I definitely had to ask God for forgiveness for a few things that I've said. I was directed insulted, and in a knee jerk reaction, I dished it out, and layed it out thick...

Said person, logged into gmail on Friday night, and instead of avoiding me, asked me to keep on insulting them!!!!! And guess what? I did. I could have been the bigger person, and not said anything, or I could have just logged off, or tried to be nice. But I didn't. In the end, the person was like "is that it?" and at that point I realized that if I kept on going, I would be just as bad as them. And I stopped and logged off.

That's my confession for the week. :(

words words words

Today's small group discussion made me think about how ineffective words are at communicating... If there is a heaven, I believe that place would not have language, because it is so imperfect. Sometimes, there are just no words to describe how I feel, and when there are, I'm too preoccupied with feeling to come up with them.

I imagine heaven being a place where we are all a bit Vulcan, and can place our hands on someone else's face and transfer our thoughts and feelings onto that person without having to say a word. That person could then understand wholly, and be able to empathize in the most genuine, non-fake way, having experienced a small bit of what the sender experienced.

I notice that I'm especially bad at reading animals. Because sadly, even though words are evil, the lack of them is somehow worse... Sometimes I just want to yell "What do you want?!!! Just tell me what you want!!!", when I get repeatedly bit by a cat, or when it will not stop meowing. I know it is trying to tell me something (food, bathroom, attention/non-attention... something...) but I can't tell what, and if I have eliminated the food and bathroom and given it attention, and it's still meowing, I start to get very frustrated.... This is why I am not an animal person. Other people will tell me, yeah when said cat arches it's back and curls it's tail and gets a certain look in it's face it is feeling ____ emotion, and I just look at them in amazement like they can read minds or something. Like how they hell did you just figure that out? Because I assure you, I only heard it meow and look like a cat. :(

More on this later...

Some things I wish for...

Some things I don't need at all, but I cannot wait to buy if I had the money for it! Some of these include things that might be lumped in the 'cute' category.

Skunkboy Creatures, and Scrumptious Delight, make me drool with their uber adorable plushies... So cute you just want to eat them, or cuddle them to death! If I were rich, my house would be littered with these.... so you could not turn a corner without running into a marshmallow or friend.

Oh, hello there, and welcome to my wee small blog! I have been wanting to have a blog of my own for a long time now... in part because, I read a lot of blogs (by a lot I mean more than ten). Hopefully some (one? two?) people will read this, and I can be satisfied that I am accomplishing the proper result of blogging, erm... and not only writing wistfully to my computer and myself...

Please feel free to leave a comment, even if you don't know me that well... if you read anything that catches your fancy. I love hearing your thoughts, and promise to write back.

A picture of a pretty owl to spruce up your day! :D